


Sand In My Shoes

by bb_bambam



Category: B.A.P
Genre: Flashbacks, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Strangers to Lovers, Vacation, also junhong is yongguk's brother, hohyeon is daehyun's (favorite) student and an orphan and youngjae falls in love immediately, jjp is most prominent out of them lmao !, the banghim jonglo and jjp are fairly background, youngjae is whipped and sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-15
Updated: 2019-02-15
Packaged: 2019-10-28 18:26:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,760
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17792462
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bb_bambam/pseuds/bb_bambam
Summary: "He’s feeling low because he’s back in the city, back at work, back to nonstop emails to send and meetings to attend and tasks to complete, and far, far away from sunny beaches and sunnier smiles."Youngjae falls for a stranger while on he's on vacation and can't move on.





	Sand In My Shoes

“Youngjae!” Himchan’s cheerful voice is the first thing Youngjae hears when he walks into work on Monday morning. “You’re back! How was the trip? What did you guys do? You look more tan, did you spend a lot of time in the sun? Did you remember to wear sunscreen? Tell me everything!”

But Youngjae isn’t in the mood to tell Himchan everything. He isn’t in the mood to talk at all, in fact. Right now, he’s feeling low because he’s back in Seoul, back at work, back to nonstop emails to read and meetings to attend and tasks to complete, and far, far away from sunny beaches and sunnier smiles. “Hi Himchan-hyung,” he says wearily, dropping unceremoniously into his cubicle, adjacent to Himchan’s.

“Someone sounds gloomy,” Himchan says, shaking his head. “You got a two-week break from work to hang out with your best friends, wasn’t that enough for you?”

It really wasn’t, according to Youngjae, but he isn’t going to tell Himchan that and subject himself to more nagging. “I’m just getting used to being back,” Youngjae says, aware that his voice is probably dull and monotonous. “It’s normal to feel down after coming home from a vacation.”

Himchan looks at him, his eyes scanning Youngjae’s face. “I don’t think that’s it,” he finally says. “I’ve seen your post-vacation sadness before, but this is different. You seem truly depressed.”

“I’m fine, hyung,” Youngjae sighs, not wanting to dwell on the real reason he’s moping. “It’s really nothing.”

Himchan narrows his eyes suspiciously. “Youngjae,” he says, and Youngjae knows from his tone that he’s already figured it out. “Tell the truth. You _met_ someone.”

Youngjae contemplates lying, but Himchan isn’t asking and he would see right through Youngjae anyway, so he just nods stiffly.

“Wow,” Himchan says in a hushed tone. “You fell hard, huh? Who is this person who managed to capture the attention of Mr. I-Only-Do-No-Commitment-Hookups?”

Memories of a bright, honeyed laugh, a head nestled in the crook of his neck, an arm draped comfortably over his waist with legs tangled together under the sheets, waking up to soft kisses littered all over his face, fill Youngjae’s mind (and part of him wishes that it was just the nights together that he’s still fixated on instead of the other things, the things that maybe actually meant something more).

“Daehyun,” he murmurs, the name falling from his mouth naturally even as he tries to will the images away. “Jung Daehyun.”

~~~

Youngjae was sitting at the bar by himself, one hand curled around his half-empty glass and the other scrolling through Instagram. Mark had disappeared to take a phone call fifteen minutes ago, and Jinyoung and Jaebeom had taken their leave even before that, which Youngjae didn’t have a problem with because they had been too caught up in each other to be good company anyway. He didn’t mind sitting alone. The bar had a nice ambiance and it was only the first night of their trip - he hadn’t really come out with the intention of getting drunk.

He was aware that he was drawing some looks and it would only be a matter of time before someone approached him, so he wasn’t surprised when a man, a little older than what Youngjae typically preferred, finally walked over and stood next to him, trying to get his attention. “What’s a pretty thing like you doing here all by yourself?” the man said, his tone cocky and his breath reeking of liquor. “How about you let me show you a good time, hm?”

Youngjae rolled his eyes, not in the mood for sleazy men flirting with him. “I doubt you could,” he said, not even looking away from his phone.

“Come on, sweetheart,” the man crooned, clearly unwilling to back off. “I can make you feel _so_ good.”

Youngjae finally looked up at him, twisting his mouth into a sickly sweet smile. “Maybe I was unclear. I’m not interested. Get lost.” He waved his hand dismissively, but before he could go back to ignoring the man, his hand was caught in midair.

“Oh, but I _am_ interested, pretty boy,” the man leered, his hold tightening. “And I’m gonna make sure you’re screaming my name, one way or another.”

Youngjae’s eyes widened as he started struggling to free himself from the man’s vice-like grip. “Let go of me,” he said through gritted teeth, fear and panic beginning to flood his senses.

“I don’t think so,” the man said with a sneer. Youngjae was truly afraid now, unable to escape as the man started pulling him towards the doors.

Suddenly, there was a flash of movement, and before Youngjae could register what was happening, his arm was free and the man was staggering back, clutching his face. For a moment, Youngjae thought maybe Mark had decided to come back and find him instead of returning to the hotel like he said he was going to, or maybe Jaebeom and Jinyoung had disentangled themselves from each other and showed up again, but then his savior spoke. “He said he’s not interested, asshole. Get out of here.”

For a few tense seconds, it seemed as if the man was going to pick a fight, but finally, he walked away, grumbling to himself. Youngjae exhaled shakily, utterly relieved, before turning to the person who saved him. “Thank you.”

“There’s no need to thank me, I just did what any sane person would do.” The person - a local, based on his accent and the healthy tan of his skin and the faint scent of salt water that surrounded him - smiled as he spoke, and it was quite a nice smile, Youngjae noted. The man’s whole face, in fact, was quite nice, and the sleeves of the dress shirt he had rolled up to his elbows didn’t do much to hide the definition in his arms. Despite his lack of desire to spend the night with a stranger moments ago, Youngjae found that his interest was suddenly piqued.

“I want to thank you anyway,” Youngjae said, flashing a coy smile at the man and fluttering his eyelashes. He leaned a little closer to make his intentions clear. “Let me buy you a drink, at least, cutie.”

The man looked taken aback for a moment before his expression shifted into an appreciative smile and he eyed Youngjae with obvious interest. He sat next to Youngjae as he replied, “Okay, but only if you tell me your name, gorgeous.”

Youngjae smiled, his mind singing in victory. “Well, since you asked so nicely. I’m Yoo Youngjae.”

“Hi, Yoo Youngjae,” the man said, his eyes twinkling. “I’m Jung Daehyun.”

(And in less than an hour, Youngjae found himself laid out on the bed of his hotel room, crying out Daehyun’s name as Daehyun pressed him into the sheets and whispered praises in his ears, over and over until they were both too utterly spent to go on.)

~~~

“Oh, Youngjae,” Himchan sighs after Youngjae briefly explains his first meeting with Daehyun, though he tactfully leaves out the details of how the night ended - Himchan can probably infer what happened. “Didn’t you get his number?”

“We didn’t - it’s just. His life is there and mine is here,” Youngjae says shortly. “We both agreed we should just...go our separate ways. No strings attached.” They had parted without exchanging contact information, and hypothetically, Youngjae could look Daehyun up on any social media site, but Daehyun hadn’t given any indication that he would want to continue whatever it was they had been for their two weeks together. So as much as he wishes it weren’t the case, Youngjae already made the choice to respect that, and he’ll stick to it.

“Hmm,” Himchan says skeptically. “Are you sure you _both_ agreed to this?”

Youngjae sighs, because truthfully, he had brought it up on his last day there hoping that Daehyun would reject the idea. But Daehyun had agreed to break it off, and Youngjae had gone along with it. “It’s - we both said it would be for the best. It was just a vacation fling.” Maybe, Youngjae thinks, if he says it enough times, he’ll start to believe it.

Himchan still looks doubtful, but he leaves it at that, clearly understanding that Youngjae doesn’t want to talk about it anymore. “Okay. Just remember I’m here if you want to talk, all right?”

“Thank you,” Youngjae says quietly. He doesn’t think he’ll ever take up Himchan’s offer, because he’ll probably never be ready to think about what happened in Busan without his chest hurting, but he’s grateful for Himchan’s consideration nonetheless.

The day goes by slowly, and Youngjae does his best to distract himself by diving into his work head-on and listening to Himchan’s idle chatter as the hours pass by. Himchan tells him about the office gossip he’s missed - the two interns who got caught kissing in the break room last month broke up, someone accidentally left a flirtatious note on the wrong desk, the boss threatened to fire the next person who accidentally eats his yogurt - and Youngjae hums and nods as appropriate without really registering any of the information.

He goes home after watching Himchan’s husband pick Himchan up for dinner, feeling more lonely than usual. In his apartment, he stares at the bags lying on the floor of his room, not even remotely motivated to begin unpacking them, so he doesn’t try. After a quick meal thrown together with whatever instant food he can find in his pantry, Youngjae goes to bed early and lies awake, cursing Jung Daehyun for somehow worming his way out of being another casual fling and into a permanent spot in Youngjae’s heart.

But it’s unsurprising, if Youngjae really thinks about it, because Daehyun wasn’t just attractive and a fantastic bed partner - he was also respectful and sweet and genuinely cared, and _god_ , Youngjae wants to see him again.

~~~

Youngjae woke up at eleven on the second morning of vacation to an empty bed. He felt a fleeting stab of disappointment before he spotted a note, painkillers, and a glass of orange juice on the nightstand.

_Good morning Youngjae ^_^ Thank you for a wonderful night. Sorry I had to run out >.< I have to get ready for work, but I ordered some painkillers and orange juice for you. I hope they help! ~DH _

For some reason, Youngjae was strangely charmed by the fact that Daehyun actually took the time to leave a note. He sat in bed for a good five minutes, reading and rereading it, smiling absentmindedly at the little faces Daehyun had drawn. He didn’t know Daehyun very well, of course, but somehow, the faces seemed very in-character for him.

Youngjae probably would have sat there longer if it weren’t for Jaebeom knocking on his door, demanding to know if he was ready to go. “Coming!” he called, before downing a painkiller with the orange juice and gingerly getting out of bed, wincing slightly as he slowly made his way to the bathroom.

It was past noon when the four of them finally left for the beach. As soon as they arrived, Mark and Jaebeom made a beeline for the water, but Youngjae and Jinyoung stayed on the blankets under the umbrella, stretched out in the sun, Jinyoung with a book and Youngjae with a hand draped over his face to block the light.

“Why aren’t you swimming, hyung?” Jinyoung asked him.

“Sore,” Youngjae said, unwilling to explain further. He knew he wouldn’t need to; Jinyoung surely understood what he meant.

As expected, Jinyoung raised a knowing eyebrow. “So you were busy last night, huh?”

Youngjae groaned, shoving Jinyoung’s shoulder lightly with his free hand. “Don’t act like you weren’t doing the same thing.”

“Fair enough,” Jinyoung grinned. “I have to say, I know you wanted to hook up with people here, but it’s kind of impressive that you managed to find someone already. Are you planning on seeing this guy again?”

“Probably not,” Youngjae said, and he almost felt regretful because he certainly wouldn’t have said no to another night with Daehyun if the opportunity came up. “He ran out before I woke up. He left me painkillers, though, which was nice.”

“How thoughtful,” Jinyoung said, amused. “You sure know how to pick them.” Youngjae shook his head fondly, and they shared a laugh before Jinyoung shifted his attention to his boyfriend splashing around in the waves and Youngjae shifted his body to settle down for a nap.

A glance at his watch after waking up some time later told Youngjae he had managed to sleep for about an hour, and he sat up lazily, surveying the landscape of the beach contentedly. Jinyoung had apparently gotten up at some point, because he was no longer on the blanket. Youngjae spotted Mark out on the waves with a surfboard, and several moments later, he found Jinyoung with Jaebeom, the two of them laughing and splashing each other playfully. It made him smile - they could be a little too lovey-dovey sometimes, but their relationship was very sweet.

As Youngjae continued looking around, his heart rate suddenly spiked, because who should he spot but _Daehyun_ , the very person he had recently determined he would probably never see again, chasing after some children with a playful smile on his face. And - wow. Daehyun had looked handsome under the dim lights of the bar, and he had looked lethal with his eyes dark and hooded as he trailed his mouth along Youngjae’s jaw, but right then, with the sun kissing his face and his hair falling across his forehead, he looked stunning.

The children he was running after were laughing, presumably at him, and for a few wild seconds, Youngjae wondered if the children were Daehyun’s, but then he heard one of them call him “teacher” and everything became clearer. Daehyun had mentioned in his note that he had to get ready for work, after all - Youngjae could easily guess what that work entailed.

He contemplated hiding his face to avoid an awkward encounter, but it wasn’t like he was embarrassed about what had happened the previous night, and Daehyun had gotten him painkillers and orange juice, so if anything, he might at least thank Daehyun for that. It was easy to pinpoint the moment Daehyun spotted him, because Daehyun looked startled for a second before his face lit up with a smile.

“Hey, Youngjae!” Daehyun said brightly, drawing closer. “I didn’t think I’d see you here.”

“I didn’t think you would come talk to me,” Youngjae said with a smile. “Is it safe to leave those kids you were with alone?”

“Of course I wouldn’t leave them alone, what do you take me for?” Daehyun shook his head at Youngjae, but the grin on his face told Youngjae he wasn’t actually offended. “Don’t worry, there’s another teacher with me. Anyway, how are you feeling? I was worried that it might have been, um...a little too much, last night.”

Youngjae smiled up at Daehyun, a challenge in his eyes. “It was enough. I was satisfied, I guess.” It was a lie, because Daehyun had actually given Youngjae the best night he had experienced in a while, but playing hard-to-get was Youngjae’s specialty, and it never failed to get him what he wanted.

Daehyun raised an eyebrow, a glimmer appearing in his eyes. “Oh really? I think you were a little more than just _satisfied_.”

Youngjae smiled up at him coyly. “I’m just saying, it definitely wasn’t too much. Thank you for the orange juice, by the way.”

Daehyun waved his hand carelessly. “It was the least I could do after running out on you like that.”

“Hmm,” Youngjae said, peering at Daehyun through his eyelashes. “And what would you have done if you didn’t have to run out?”

Daehyun smirked, lowering his voice to nearly a purr. “Well, I don’t think it’s appropriate for me to say it here. But I can tell you over dinner tonight. If you want.”

“I have a better idea,” Youngjae said, keeping his tone casual to cover up the unexpectedly strong spike of excitement he felt at the prospect of spending more time with Daehyun. (At the time, he attributed it to nothing more than the promise of another highly fulfilling night, but looking back, maybe this was his first mistake.) “You can _show_ me after dinner tonight.” He blinked innocently up at Daehyun. “If you want.”

Daehyun let out a soft noise that sounded very much like a growl, and Youngjae felt heat course through his veins in anticipation. “I’ll pick you up at seven then, beautiful.”

With a final wink and smile, Daehyun turned to leave, and Youngjae watched him walk back towards where his students had gathered for some kind of lesson, admiring the muscles visible under Daehyun’s t-shirt and shorts and already fantasizing about getting a better look that night.

(They ended up having dinner an hour later than they had planned to because when Daehyun showed up at Youngjae’s hotel room door, Youngjae hadn’t been able to resist pouncing on him immediately and Daehyun had done nothing to stop him. Miraculously, they made it through dinner without any incidents, but it was a close call, and they were on each other again right from the moment they stepped in the elevator to go up to Youngjae’s room afterwards.)

~~~

Every day that passes seems to last an eternity as Youngjae tries to overcome his unexpected, unprecedented slump. He doesn’t understand it: he’s had several casual flings before, but none of them have ever affected him like this. He spends his days at work occupying himself with as many tasks as he can, gets lunch with Himchan often, goes out for dinner with his friends when they’re available, but always ends up at home, alone and unsatisfied.

It probably would have been easier, he thinks morosely, if Daehyun were the only person he’s missing. But the problem is, Daehyun _isn’t_ the only person he met in Busan, and that only makes matters more complicated.

Youngjae sits in his kitchen sometimes, staring at the crayon drawing on his fridge and reminiscing about sandcastles and ice cream and the sweetest little giggle he’s ever heard. Because of course he couldn’t just fall for a hot, charming guy; he had to go and fall for one who loves children, too.

~~~

It was their fifth day in Busan, and they decided to go back to the beach to relax after having spent the previous day being marginally more active. Jaebeom and Jinyoung had visited Jinyoung’s parents while Youngjae and Mark went sightseeing. They had ended up finding an arcade and wasting several hours there, and when they stopped to pick up a snack at a convenience store, Youngjae had quite literally run directly into Daehyun, which, predictably, had led to another night together.

Now, Youngjae was standing with Jaebeom outside the bathroom hut, waiting for Jinyoung and Mark, when he felt a light tug on his sleeve. “Excuse me?”

He looked down to find a young boy, probably no older than six years, looking up at him with big, glassy eyes. Youngjae wasn’t very good with children, but even he could see that this boy was on the verge of tears. “Hello,” Youngjae said instinctively, subtly making panicked eye contact with Jaebeom as he knelt down to be face-to-face with the boy.

“C-can you help me?” the boy asked.

“Of course,” Youngjae said immediately, though he had no way of knowing what the boy needed help with.

“I lost my teacher,” the boy said, his bottom lip trembling. “But you’re his friend. C-can you tell him that I d-didn’t mean to stay too long?”

Youngjae furrowed his eyebrows, glancing at Jaebeom in confusion, but Jaebeom just shrugged at him. “I’m his friend?”

“He went to talk to you when we came to the beach last time,” the boy said.

Realization dawned upon Youngjae - the boy’s teacher had to be Daehyun. “Oh! Yes, I’m his friend,” Youngjae told the boy, who looked marginally less upset. Youngjae saw Jaebeom raise his eyebrows at him and internally groaned at the thought of the explanation he would have to provide later.

“Did he l-leave me?” the boy asked, his eyes watery.

“No!” Youngjae said hurriedly. “Of course he didn’t leave you. I bet he’s looking for you right now, but I’ll help you find him, okay?” The boy sniffled and nodded. “Can you tell me your name? I’m Youngjae - you can call me Youngjae-hyungnim.”

“Youngjae-hyungnim,” the boy repeated. “My name is Hohyeon.”

“Okay, Hohyeon,” Youngjae said, standing up and holding out his hand for Hohyeon to take. “Let’s find your teacher.”

He turned to Jaebeom, who glanced at Hohyeon obediently holding Youngjae’s hand, much less distressed than he had been moments ago, before meeting Youngjae’s gaze. “You good?” he asked.

“Yeah,” Youngjae said, smiling down at Hohyeon, surprised by how fond he felt already. “I got this.” He and Hohyeon started walking, and he squeezed Hohyeon’s hand gently. “Where did you see your teacher last, Hohyeon?”

“He waited outside the bathroom,” Hohyeon said. “He had to wait for me and Hayoung-hyung and Kangmin. But I came out and they were all gone.”

Youngjae found that strange - Daehyun didn’t seem like the kind of person who would just forget about a student. “Let’s keep looking,” Youngjae suggested. “Do you recognize where we are?”

Hohyeon looked around and pouted. He was unbearably cute, Youngjae thought, flooded with unexpected levels of affection. “That’s not the door I went in,” Hohyeon said, his voice wobbling dangerously. “Daehyunnie-hyungnim is gonna be so mad. I p-promised to not get lost.”

“He won’t be mad,” Youngjae said, rushing to reassure him and feeling reasonably sure that it wasn’t a lie. Based on Hohyeon’s explanation, he figured that Hohyeon had accidentally walked out of a different exit than the one Daehyun was waiting at. “I think he’s going to be really proud of you for finding someone you recognized to help.”

“I shouldn’t talk to strangers,” Hohyeon said, looking happier, and Youngjae feels inordinately pleased with himself for cheering the boy up. “Daehyunnie-hyungnim said so. I was scared to ask for help but then I saw you, Youngjae-hyungnim! And you’re his friend, so I thought it was okay.”

Youngjae couldn’t help ruffling Hohyeon’s hair with his free hand. “You’re a smart boy, Hohyeon,” he said. “Now, I think I know where we can find Daehyun.”

“You do?” Hohyeon looked up at him in awe, his eyes sparkling, and Youngjae felt warmth bloom in his chest.

“Yeah, I do,” Youngjae said with a smile. “Let’s go!”

They walked around the building to the other entrance, and sure enough, Daehyun was there with two other children, frantically stopping every person who walked out.

“Daehyunnie-hyungnim!” Hohyeon called happily.

Daehyun’s head whipped towards them, and as they drew closer, Youngjae could see that Daehyun was near tears. ” _Hohyeon_.” He sounded utterly relieved, leaning down to pull Hohyeon into a tight hug. “I was so worried.” Youngjae watched him drop a kiss on the top of Hohyeon’s head and wondered whether Daehyun’s apparent panic had been motivated by more than just concern for a student.

“Youngjae-hyungnim helped me!” Hohyeon told Daehyun cheerfully. “I know he’s your friend so I asked him!”

Daehyun met Youngjae’s eyes looking immeasurably grateful, and suddenly Youngjae found himself wrapped in a hug too. “Thank you,” Daehyun breathed. “I don’t know what I would have done.”

That only made Youngjae more curious, but he just pulled away and smiled. “It was nothing, Daehyun. He’s a smart kid.”

“I know,” Daehyun said, sounding equally proud as he did fond.

“Can Youngjae-hyungnim play with us?” Hohyeon asked, looking up at both of them with wide, hopeful eyes.

“Um,” Daehyun said hesitantly. “I think maybe -”

“Of course,” Youngjae interrupted, surprising both Daehyun and himself. “I’ll just let my friends know where I am and I’ll come play with you, okay?” Hohyeon’s eyes lit up, which was how Youngjae knew his unexpected split-second decision was the right one.

“Youngjae,” Daehyun murmured as Hohyeon started talking excitedly to his friends. “You really don’t have to. I can explain to him later.”

Youngjae looked up from the text he had already sent to Jaebeom informing him that he wouldn’t be back for a while. “I want to,” he said, smiling at the genuine worry on Daehyun’s face. “I promise, I’d rather be doing this than lazing around on the beach doing nothing.”

Daehyun finally broke into a smile. “Okay.”

And so that afternoon, Youngjae found himself in the last place he could have possibly imagined - building sandcastles and eating ice cream with a class of first-graders and their teacher, who also happened to be the man Youngjae had spent every night of his vacation so far with.

Daehyun turned to him later and thanked him again for helping Hohyeon. “He’s an orphan,” Daehyun said quietly as they watched Hohyeon laughing with the other children. “So I’m a little more protective of him. He’s been through a lot.”

“He’s precious,” Youngjae said honestly. He had never been much of a kid-lover, but over the course of one afternoon, Hohyeon had singlehandedly done a lot to change his mind.

“He is,” Daehyun agreed, smiling at Youngjae, and despite the fact that there were many people around them, the conversation suddenly felt oddly intimate. “So really, thank you again.”

“There’s no need to thank me,” Youngjae said, echoing what Daehyun had said to him the first night they met. “I just did what any sane person would do.”

Daehyun grinned. “But I want to thank you anyway. Let me buy you dinner later?”

“I can’t tonight,” Youngjae said apologetically. “My friend is proposing to his boyfriend and I have to be there.”

“Oh, congratulations!” Daehyun said. “Sounds like your night will be fun.”

“It will be,” Youngjae agreed, and it was true because Jaebeom was a sappy romantic and absolutely whipped for Jinyoung, so his proposal, which was part of the reason this vacation was planned in the first place, was going to be a production. “But it’ll be even better if you stop by after.”

“What time?” Daehyun asked, immediately perking up, and his obvious interest made Youngjae internally preen a little.

“They’ll definitely start celebrating before midnight,” Youngjae said, knowing his friends well. “And my other friend will probably hole himself up after that.”

Daehyun smiled, his eyes already glittering with anticipation. “Then I’ll be seeing you at twelve.”

When Youngjae finally decided he should probably leave to prepare for dinner, several hours had passed. Despite that, Hohyeon was still reluctant to say goodbye, literally clinging to Youngjae and refusing to let go - eventually, Daehyun had to coax him away with the promise of extra music time the next day, which was apparently Hohyeon’s favorite. Youngjae was sad to leave too, but Daehyun whispered to him that they would be on the beach again in a few days for a lesson about sea creatures, and he made a mental note to just _happen_ to be in the area at that time.

(In the end, Jaebeom’s proposal went perfectly, because of course Jinyoung was always going to say yes, and Daehyun showing up at Youngjae’s door at midnight capped off Youngjae’s favorite day of the whole vacation in the best way possible.)

~~~

A month goes by, and things still haven't improved. Youngjae is still hopelessly caught up in memories that he just can’t seem to let go of.

Most nights, he lies awake, panting into the darkness of his room with Daehyun’s name on his lips and the memory of Daehyun pressing him into the mattress at the front of his mind, his eyes tearing up and his toes curling from pleasure. And every time, he invariably falls asleep afterwards imagining Daehyun’s arms around him, his body (and maybe, terrifyingly, his heart, too) desperately craving the real thing.

He finds himself mindlessly looking for jobs in Busan one day before suddenly realizing what he’s doing and exiting the browser, mortified. “You are _not_ throwing away your life over some guy,” he chides himself angrily. “Get a _grip_.”

That night, he goes out to a club for the first time in weeks with the intention of finding someone to distract him. Unfortunately, drunk Youngjae has all the same feelings regular Youngjae locks away inside his mind, but doesn’t have the same filter. Instead of flirting with people like he had planned to, he ends up explaining to three random strangers that Daehyun is the sweetest and best man he’s ever met, and ultimately leaves the club sad and alone after calling Jaebeom to come pick him up.

“Youngjae,” Jaebeom says softly as he helps Youngjae walk into his and Jinyoung’s apartment. “Please take care of yourself. I was so worried when you called.”

“‘M sorry,” Youngjae slurs, leaning against Jaebeom’s chest and sighing heavily.

“Here, drink this, Youngjae-hyung.” Jinyoung appears at Jaebeom’s side with a glass of water, which Youngjae accepts and drinks slowly. He vaguely registers his friends whispering to each other before he’s taken to the guest bedroom, and once he’s on the bed, he crashes almost immediately.

The next morning, Youngjae wakes up with a throbbing headache, feeling embarrassed and profusely guilty. “I’m so sorry,” he apologizes for the fifth time over breakfast. “I’ve never done anything like this before.”

“We know, hyung,” Jinyoung says, squeezing Youngjae’s shoulder reassuringly as he passes by to take away Youngjae’s empty bowl. “Just try not to make it a habit. You really scared us.” He says it kindly, but Youngjae feels ashamed anyway.

“Youngjae, I know you might not want to hear this,” Jaebeom says carefully, “but maybe it’s time to start, I don’t know, meeting new people?”

“You sound like Himchan-hyung,” Youngjae sighs, knowing Jaebeom, like Himchan, has his best interests at heart and is probably right.

“This is really messing with you,” Jaebeom says. “I’ve never seen you so...wrecked.”

“I know,” Youngjae mumbles. “I just need some time to get myself together.” He groans and runs a hand through his hair frustratedly. “I was literally looking for jobs in Busan yesterday, and I don’t get why! Like, of course I don’t want to quit my job! I’m just - I’m going crazy.”

“You’re not going crazy,” Jaebeom says patiently. “You just really liked this guy, and you fell a little too hard. It happens.” And Youngjae knows that it’s true, but he wishes it weren’t.

When he gets back home, he transfers all the vacation pictures he’s held off on transferring to his laptop - all the beach pictures and snapshots of Jaebeom, Jinyoung, Mark, and himself exploring the city and candids he took of Daehyun the various times they ran into each other - and finally deletes them from his phone. Well, almost all of them. There’s a picture that Daehyun took of Hohyeon laughing and hugging Youngjae tightly, which Youngjae would feel awful about deleting, so he ends up setting it as his lockscreen instead.

And there’s another picture, too. He truly does try, but when he opens the only photo he has of him and Daehyun together, a selfie Daehyun took of them, he hesitates just a second too long. The thing is, the Youngjae in the picture looks so _happy_ , captured mid-laugh, that Youngjae almost feels like he’s looking at a different person entirely.

It really is a lovely shot, he thinks regretfully, and he knows he should delete it, but he also knows that he won’t.

(And when Jaebeom sees Youngjae’s phone wallpaper when they go out for dinner a week later, he doesn’t ask questions and Youngjae doesn’t try to make excuses. They both know Youngjae is working on it - but maybe he isn’t ready to let go of _everything_ just yet.)

~~~

“Youngjae,” Daehyun whined, and _whiny_ really was the only way to describe Daehyun’s tone as he lay in bed, pouting and making grabby hands towards Youngjae. “Come back to bed.”

“You really are unbelievably needy,” Youngjae said, trying to focus his camera on the illuminated buildings outside the window. “I’m standing five feet away from you.”

“But _Youngjae_ ,” Daehyun said dramatically, “you’re not in my arms, which is where you should always be.”

“Well, good luck getting me there,” Youngjae said, making sure to keep his back turned so Daehyun wouldn’t see him smiling.

“So mean,” Daehyun sighed. “It’s not good to be mean, you know.”

“What am I, one of your students?” Youngjae asked, stifling a laugh at Daehyun’s overly-sullen tone. “Do you act like this in front of them, too? Does this make Hohyeon respect you?”

“No, because my students are _nice_ to me,” Daehyun said pointedly. “Especially Hohyeon. What are you taking pictures of, anyway?”

“The view,” Youngjae said as he took a few more. “I need something to remember, after all.”

There was a rustling sound, and then Daehyun’s arms were snaking around Youngjae’s waist, his hands sliding under Youngjae’s thin nightshirt. “I’ll give you something to remember,” he whispered, his voice low. Youngjae shivered involuntarily and leaned automatically into Daehyun’s touch.

The next thing he knew, Daehyun had pulled him down onto the bed and snatched the phone out of his hands. “Daehyun! Give it back!” Youngjae complained, but even in his indignance, he couldn’t stop himself from laughing. He felt weightless, free, _happy_. And it was a nice feeling.

“Say cheese first,” Daehyun said cheerfully, lying down next to him. Youngjae looked up at their faces looking back at them on the screen, and there really wasn’t anything funny about it, but he collapsed into giggles again anyway. “You’re so ridiculous,” Daehyun said, sounding so utterly fond that Youngjae’s mind went blank and his stomach fluttered in an unfamiliar way. Seconds later, Youngjae felt Daehyun’s lips against his cheek as his camera shutter went off.

“Delete it!” Youngjae demanded immediately afterwards, trying in vain to take his phone back. “I wasn’t ready.”

“No way,” Daehyun said smugly, admiring the picture for a few moments before tossing the phone to the other side of the bed, out of Youngjae’s reach. “We look adorable. _You_ are adorable.”

Youngjae, still feeling inexplicably light and happy, climbed on top of Daehyun, pinning him to the bed, and smirked down at him. “I’ll show you _adorable_.”

And Daehyun just beamed up at him and pulled him down closer to brush their lips together. “Please do.”

~~~

Youngjae gets better at distracting himself as time passes, and by the time summer begins, the whole vacation is faint in his mind. So maybe he hasn’t been with anyone since Daehyun, but it’s not like he _needs_ to be with anyone. That’s what he tells all his friends whenever they try to suggest that he start trying to date (and it has nothing to do with the quiet but persistent reminder in the back of his mind that Daehyun is still the only person he can imagine wanting).

It’s nearing the middle of July when Himchan stops by Youngjae’s cubicle on the way back to his own. “Come over for dinner tonight,” he says. “Yongguk’s brother is visiting for the week and I’m cooking a lot.”

“I don’t want to intrude on a family dinner,” Youngjae says hesitantly. As much as he likes Himchan and his husband, Youngjae’s plans for the night currently involve heating up some leftovers, opening a bottle of wine, and playing a few video games until he can’t keep his eyes open anymore, and yeah, it’ll be a little lonely for a Friday night, but he’ll mostly enjoy himself.

“Junhong brought some friends along, you won’t be the only guest,” Himchan says. “And you’re practically family anyway, Youngjae. You won’t be intruding on anything.”

Youngjae is embarrassingly touched by that, momentarily afraid he might tear up, but the truth is, Himchan is right. They’ve been coworkers for years, and somewhere along the line, between countless nights out after work and crashing at each other’s places and Youngjae guiding Himchan through meeting, dating, and getting married to Yongguk, Himchan became one of Youngjae’s closest friends.

“I’ll be there,” he finally says, and Himchan smiles at him.

Youngjae knocks on Himchan’s door that evening, genuinely excited to eat Himchan’s cooking and meet Yongguk’s brother. Himchan opens the door moments later with an odd expression on his face, and Youngjae frowns slightly. “What’s wrong, hyung?”

“Nothing’s _wrong_ ,” Himchan says unconvincingly, and Youngjae’s suspicions rise further. “Just come in and - please don’t freak out. I really didn’t know.”

“Didn’t know what?” Youngjae asks as he walks inside and takes off his shoes, wondering why Himchan is acting so strangely. As the door closes behind him, he looks up and freezes, his face heating up as he realizes the cause of Himchan’s odd behavior.

Because standing in the middle of Himchan’s hallway, with an expression that matches the utter shock currently overwhelming Youngjae’s mind, is Jung Daehyun.

~~~

The night before his vacation officially ended, Youngjae found himself in bed with Daehyun for the fourteenth time in two weeks, somewhat in disbelief that he had managed to sleep with the same guy every single day he was there without even having so much as his number. This time, though, they weren’t doing anything besides lying down, because Daehyun had gone to visit Hohyeon earlier and had several stories to tell that Youngjae shouldn’t have wanted to hear, but really, really did.

There was a lull in the conversation, and Youngjae decided to finally bring up what was on his mind. “You know, I’m leaving tomorrow,” he said. It took everything in him to say it, but he knew they would have to talk about it eventually.

“Back to reality?” Daehyun asked with a soft laugh, his finger tracing random patterns on Youngjae’s chest.

“Unfortunately,” Youngjae sighed.

“That’s going to be weird,” Daehyun said. “For both of us.”

“Daehyun,” Youngjae said, unable to take it anymore. He lifted his head off Daehyun’s shoulder to look at him. “We shouldn’t - we can’t - it makes sense for us to end this, right? Now that I’m leaving?” The _and I’m probably not coming back any time soon_ went unsaid. He almost didn’t want to hear the answer, because he knew that even though he was the one asking, it would hurt like hell if Daehyun agreed.

“Youngjae, I -” Daehyun started to say, before cutting himself off (and looking back, maybe he should have insisted that Daehyun continue that thought). “Yeah,” he said instead. “It - it does make sense to do that.”

Youngjae’s heart thudded hollowly in his chest as he looked away (and maybe if he hadn’t, he would have seen Daehyun looking just as lost as he suddenly felt). “Okay,” he said quietly. “Then we - we’ll end it.”

“So this is our last night together, huh?” Daehyun said wryly. “I guess we better make it unforgettable, right?”

(And they did. Youngjae barely slept that night, because neither of them was willing to stop for too long, desperate to make the most of those last hours. He still remembers every second of that night in excruciating detail, but the most prominent memory is of their very last time, gentle and slow and far too intimate for two people with no ties to each other and who were never going to see each other again.

Youngjae fell asleep in Daehyun’s arms as the sky began to brighten for a new day, and he woke up later that morning to an empty bed and a sinking feeling in his stomach. Daehyun had followed through on ending it - he didn’t leave his number or any traces at all, except for a single note on the bedside table that would only serve to make the coming months more painful, a note with nothing on it but the drawing of a heart.)

~~~

“Youngjae?” Daehyun’s voice is hushed, almost a whisper, and so full of disbelief that Youngjae knows neither of them knew the other was going to be here tonight, and Himchan must have recognized Daehyun immediately but said nothing to him. It’s been months since he last heard Daehyun speak, but his voice still has the same effect - Youngjae’s heart rate spikes.

“Hi, Daehyun,” he manages to croak out through the lump in his throat. He searches Daehyun’s face, selfishly hoping to find the same helpless longing that’s plagued him since they parted ways.

“Youngjae,” Daehyun says again, his voice trembling but reverent, like Youngjae’s name is the only thing he knows how to say, and it feels too intimate for a reunion taking place in the hallway of mutual friend’s house. He sounds so dazed, so _wrecked_ , that Youngjae would believe that Daehyun has been thinking about him just as much as he’s been thinking about Daehyun.

“Hold on,” an unknown voice interrupts. “Youngjae, as in _your angel_ , Youngjae?”

At that, Youngjae forces himself to tear his eyes away and take in the other people in the room. Yongguk and Himchan are looking between him and Daehyun, concerned, and a man Youngjae vaguely recognizes from Himchan’s camera roll as Yongguk’s brother is standing off to the side, looking confused. The person who spoke, a shorter man standing next to Yongguk’s brother, is someone he doesn’t recognize.

Belatedly, Youngjae registers what the man just said and his face heats up slightly. “Angel?” he mumbles, mostly to himself, trying to process the implications of Daehyun apparently giving him such a nickname. Daehyun coughs awkwardly, looking embarrassed, and under any other circumstances, Youngjae would probably be teasing or even flirting with him. But right now, Youngjae is still recovering from the shock of seeing Daehyun again at all.

“Yeah,” Daehyun finally says, his eyes never leaving Youngjae’s face. “My angel Youngjae.”

“Wow,” Yongguk’s brother says before Youngjae can react in any way besides turning even pinker, his mind going completely blank. “How did _you_ manage to get with someone this good-looking, hyung?”

Somewhere in his mind, Youngjae is flattered by the compliment, but he’s mostly thinking about how this kind of teasing suggests that Daehyun and Yongguk’s brother, and presumably the third man as well, must be friends, which explains Daehyun’s unexpected presence in Himchan’s house.

“Why don’t we all introduce ourselves properly?” Himchan suggests, apparently deeming now to be an appropriate time to intervene, though he’s still eyeing Youngjae carefully.

“I’m Bang Junhong,” Yongguk’s brother says, stepping forward to shake Youngjae’s hand. “Nice to finally meet you.”

“Yoo Youngjae,” Youngjae says with a wry smile, “but I guess you already knew that.”

Junhong grins in response. “It would be hard not to.” And, well - Youngjae tries very hard not to read too much into that, but he’s not stupid. He knows exactly what it must mean.

“I’m Moon Jongup,” the other man says, his tone friendly. “Junhong’s boyfriend.”

“Nice to meet you,” Youngjae says, shaking his hand too before his traitorous eyes start sliding back towards Daehyun, and he suddenly feels suffocated. “I’m so sorry, but if you could just - excuse me for a moment..”

Without waiting for a reply, he all but flees the room, making his way into the bathroom attached to the guest bedroom he’s used many times before. Inside, he splashes water on his face and silently tells himself to get a grip. “It’s not a big deal,” he says out loud, the words echoing hollowly through the bathroom. “I’m over it. I’m over him.”

Right as he says it, there’s a hesitant knock, and Youngjae knows who it is even before he opens the door.

Daehyun stares at him in silence for a few long moments, his eyes roaming all over Youngjae’s face like he’s searching for something there. And now that they’re closer, Youngjae can see the longing in Daehyun’s expression, and it makes his breath catch because _god_ , he feels it too.

Youngjae tries to resist. He really does. But he can’t stop thinking about the last time they were in a bathroom together (his back pressed against the shower tiles and Daehyun’s lips latched to his collarbone and him falling apart on Daehyun’s fingers) and his body moves forward of its own accord. Daehyun moves closer too, and the next moment, their lips are sealed together desperately.

He feels Daehyun sigh into the kiss as he wraps his arms around Youngjae’s waist and tries to pull Youngjae even closer, and he moves his hands from Daehyun’s face to tangle them in Daehyun’s hair. They stay like that for what feels like hours, their lips meeting again and again feverishly as if trying to make up for lost time, and for the first time in months, Youngjae feels like he’s soaring, like he’s positively weightless.

They eventually have to break apart to breathe, and then they’re gazing at each other again, this time standing in each other’s embrace.

“How’s Hohyeon?” Youngjae suddenly blurts, the words tumbling out without him even thinking about it. It isn’t what he meant to say, but he can’t take it back now.

Daehyun looks taken aback, like he wasn’t expecting Youngjae to ask about that, but Youngjae hopes he’ll get an answer anyway, suddenly burning with curiosity about the little boy he had grown so attached to. “He’s doing well,” Daehyun says, smiling a little. “He misses you, but he’s happy.”

Youngjae thinks about the sparkling eyes and the shy smile he’s tried not to picture since leaving. “I miss him too.”

Daehyun watches him like he knows what he’s thinking. “You know, he keeps saying he doesn’t want to be adopted anymore. Not yet.”

“Why?” Youngjae asks.

“You know why,” Daehyun says softly. “He...he’s waiting. He’s hoping.” And Youngjae does know. Because even after he had admonished himself for looking for jobs in Busan, he hadn’t stopped looking up information about adoption laws and the adoption process and the feasibility of taking care of a six-year-old in Seoul on one salary. Because one week isn’t enough to be sure that raising a child is what he wants, but it’s certainly enough to plant the idea in his head, permanently.

~~~

True to his mental calendar, Youngjae showed up at the beach on the same day Daehyun had said he would be bringing his class there. He hadn’t expected Hohyeon to come running at him in delight and throw himself into Youngjae’s arms, but he accepted the hug with equal enthusiasm, amazed by how attached he had become to a boy he had only met once before.

Daehyun, after some pestering from Hohyeon, invited Youngjae to collect seashells with the class, and Youngjae agreed readily, not even thinking about how by that point, he had probably spent more time with Daehyun during the vacation than with Jinyoung, Jaebeom, and Mark combined. (And upon reflection, even if he _had_ thought about it, Youngjae probably still wouldn’t regret it.)

Somewhere over the course of the day, Youngjae found himself seated next to Daehyun in the sand as Hohyeon placed seashells on their heads, crowning them King Daehyun and Queen Youngjae of the Sand. Daehyun tried to correct him, explaining that Youngjae should be a king too, but Youngjae stopped him with a smile, because truthfully, it didn’t matter to him. He picked up a few shells and placed them on Hohyeon’s head, declaring him as their Prince.

And he couldn’t decide whether the warmth in his chest was because of Hohyeon’s elated giggles or Daehyun’s affectionate gaze as he watched them interact. Maybe, he realizes as he thinks back, it was both.

(The crayon drawing of King Daehyun, Queen Youngjae, and Prince Hohyeon that Hohyeon gifted to Youngjae the final time they saw each other, the gift that left Youngjae startlingly close to tears as he accepted it, hangs proudly on Youngjae’s fridge. Sometimes when Youngjae looks at it, he imagines those days on the beach with Daehyun and Hohyeon being his whole life. And it’s kind of scary - but maybe he wants it anyway.)

~~~

Youngjae brushes aside the images of himself and Hohyeon and Daehyun all together (almost like a _family_ \- and if that isn’t the most utterly terrifying and desirable concept) that are flooding his mind. That’s something to think about later, after they’ve settled things between them. He meets Daehyun’s eyes and lifts a hand to stroke Daehyun’s cheek gently. “Daehyun,” he says quietly. “I’m sorry.”

Daehyun stiffens a little. “Why?”

“I’m sorry for saying it was better to end it,” Youngjae whispers. “It wasn’t what I wanted. I said it because I thought it was what _you_ would want.”

“Then I’m sorry too,” Daehyun says, leaning his forehead against Youngjae’s. “I’m sorry for agreeing, even though I didn’t want to end it either.” He kisses Youngjae’s cheek softly, and it’s such an unexpectedly tender gesture that Youngjae’s brain short circuits for a few seconds.

“I know we have our lives in different places,” Youngjae continues when his mind is functioning again. “But I’ve realized that I don’t care.”

“I don’t either,” Daehyun says warmly. “I’ll probably end up calling you every day and texting you every hour until you’re sick of me, but I want to at least try.”

“Okay,” Youngjae says without hesitation, because he wants it too, so much it aches. “Then let’s try.” (And if it works, then maybe later, when they’re really sure, searching for jobs in Busan and reading up on adoption won’t be quite as crazy anymore.)

“Okay,” Daehyun echoes, and his smile is so wide and dopey that Youngjae can’t resist cupping Daehyun’s face in his hands and kissing him again.

“You’re cute,” he says breathlessly when they pull apart.

“ _You’re_ cute,” Daehyun counters playfully, and even though it’s been months, it feels like nothing has changed.

“I said it first,” Youngjae says, a cheeky smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. “Don’t copy me.”

“Oh, sorry,” Daehyun says with a grin, nudging Youngjae’s nose with his own, “I meant to say that not only are you cuter, you’re the _cutest_.”

“Ew,” Youngjae says, trying to stifle a giggle. “So sappy. Calling me your angel? Gross.”

“You are my angel, though,” Daehyun says sincerely, brushing a teasing kiss across Youngjae’s knuckles. “And you _missed_ my sappiness.”

“Maybe I did,” Youngjae says, softening his tone, and he’s almost shy as he presses a kiss to Daehyun’s cheek in return. “Maybe just a little bit.”

They return to the living room together, and it’s awkward for several moments before Himchan suggests they start eating. The awkwardness breaks as dinner progresses, and Youngjae chats with Junhong contentedly, his fingers intertwined with Daehyun’s under the table.

“So how long are you all staying?” Youngjae asks, his question directed at the three visitors.

Daehyun opens his mouth, but before he can answer, Junhong says, “Me and Uppie-hyung are just staying for a week, but Daehyun-hyung was planning to stay longer, since there’s no school for the next month.”

“What? No I wasn’t,” Daehyun says, reddening slightly, and Youngjae is almost appalled by how endeared he is.

“We saw you looking at hotels, hyung,” Jongup says matter-of-factly.

Daehyun splutters indignantly. “I wasn’t - that was -”

“You know, you don’t need to find a hotel if you’re staying longer,” Youngjae interrupts smoothly. Everyone’s eyes shift to him and he clears his throat. “You could stay with me. If you want.”

“Yeah,” Daehyun says immediately to no one’s surprise, his previous embarrassment already forgotten. He smiles at Youngjae, his eyes shining. “I do want.”

“Are you staying in a hotel now, too?” Youngjae asks.

“I’ll be on the couch here,” Daehyun says with a slight laugh. “Jongup and Junhong got couple privileges with the guest bed.”

“You can get couple privileges in my apartment,” Youngjae says, surprising even himself with his boldness. “Stay with me now, too.” He catches Himchan shaking his head in amusement, watching this unfold. But when Daehyun smiles even more widely and nods in agreement, Youngjae can’t bring himself to care.

“If you two are done flirting at the dinner table,” Himchan finally says, but he doesn’t actually sound upset. Youngjae knows Himchan is happy for him, probably relieved that Youngjae’s moping has finally come to an end.

“Sorry,” Youngjae and Daehyun say simultaneously, and all six of them laugh at that. Youngjae meets Daehyun’s eyes and mirrors his smile, feeling happier than he has in a long time.

(And that night, he falls asleep with his head on Daehyun’s chest and the warmth of Daehyun’s arms around him and a smile on his face.)

**Author's Note:**

> Happy Valentine's Day! My gift for all of you is a fic that no one asked for!
> 
> This is like. the most risque thing I've ever written and I didn't even write the word "sex" once (it sort of became a challenge for myself lmao) anyway!
> 
> You may have noticed that JJP makes an appearance in this...for some reason...that's because I love them! And I also love Youngjae and Jaebeom being friends! I know there was less ot6 interaction in this, which is kind of off-brand for me but that's just how the story flowed :/ Also I couldn't resist including Hohyeon bc he literally...said that choosing between Youngjae and Daehyun is like choosing between his mom and dad. And he and Youngjae were so cute as MCs for The Show :(
> 
> I was inspired by the song "Sand in my Shoes" by Dido (where the title comes from too!) and ended up writing this in about 3 weeks, thanks to my handy technique of writing during class in the margins of my notes. Don't be like me kids!
> 
> Anyway! Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoyed! And as usual, feedback and comments are welcome and appreciated! :)


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